"cut in two/ cut into" was my favourite line. I like wordplay like this. I don't understand what the poem means, but from your comments it seems the reader isn't really meant to. I imagined it without any punctuation at all, and found it moved very fast - too fast for my liking, but if you were going for tumbling jumbled thoughts it wouldn't be a bad idea. I appreciated the punctuation for separating the thought stream in interesting ways, highlighting different points that might be overlooked without it there.

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind - Dr. Seuss

I'm not sure the inconsistent punctuation works well. I can appreciate not wanting to burden your language if you feel the grammar is inappropriate, but it feels random.

I'm kinda of torn over having I's and proper nouns capitalized but nothing else. It makes the I's important. The piece must be about self, but with River Tam - the only other capitalized word - I'm searching for significance that ties the actress to the persona. She never comes up again, which makes me wonder why she was capitalized. It can't be out of grammatic concern because you deliberately avoid that approach in the piece.

The last three end-stopped lines of the poem vex me. Fragments with periods is forcing the issue poetically. Typically, short lines in stanzas of long lines have more weight. In the 3rd stanza, where meaning repeats to a realization - the last line is weighted because of the change in form.

You don't need punctuation to moderate movement. You can focus on line length, on stanza length, and on white space (visual/concrete poetry).

I don't mind sparse punctuation, but this seems too inconsistent to me. It turns me off of the piece even though I like the repetition and self-referencing.

I love that you start in French and shift to English with a declarative that the reader - likely a non-French speaker - would be thinking. Also, there is a good amount of rhyme in the piece, despite the persona denying use of a full rhyme in the 8th stanza. Rhyme always helps movement.

There is a lot I like in your disjunction - with only the punctuation jarring me. Punctuation is easy to fix too. I hope you consider revising more.

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~D

Only capitalizing the I's is just one of my nuances. In shorthand - notes, IMs, texting - I don't capitalize beginnings of words but I do capitalize the I's to make me look a little more important than the average texter I guess. I originally wrote this poem that way on spare index cards and when I transcribed it, adding capitalization just looked wrong. There's nothing significant about it, hah.

Thanks for your comments though! I really appreciate taking the time to help me out!

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"To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal."
- Peter Ustinov

Thank you for taking the time to leave comments! I really appreciate it

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"To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal."
- Peter Ustinov

that's funny, i have the opposite tendency to use little i's even if im punctuating everything else.. i liked the "cut in two, cut into" lines the most the four repetitions of dry in the beginning were a bit distracting, although i like the repetition in the following lines

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_{Brain tingles ftw}